This is the end, my last wedding has been completed, and although you might think it’s smooth sailing on out, you’d be wrong.
Oh how wrong.
Anyone currently waiting for anything from me… my apologies. Over here, things are not raining, they’re pouring. My poor car has died, and although it’s definitely fixable, the repairs would cost more than the value of the car. If I’m honest, it’s my college car, and unexpectedly the most dependable car I’ve ever had. It has never left me on the side of the road, it has never overheated, it has never needed a new belt, and then a new something else, followed by something else. I’ve taken it in for brakes, oil changes, new tires, and that’s it. I love my car and I have always said I’d drive it until it went straight into the ground. I love my ridiculously cheap reliable set of wheels.
The repairs are equal to the amount that I originally paid for the car. So yes, I have some things to think about. Unfortunately loans for new business owners are a bit hard to come by in the present economy. Sigh. As I write this I have the new car I’m coveting (well, new old but certified) up on a web page, while outside my old car sits forlorn and abandoned. What if the old car feels rejected? What if the dealer laughs at me when I show up? What if the right answer is somewhere inbetween? And should I really be worried about hurting the feelings of an inanimate object?
When I was little and hurt myself by throwing myself full force across the room in random directions I’d go crying to my mother. “What happened?”, she’d ask me while wiping my tears. “I…I…table!” and she’d lead me across the room to spank the coffee table saying, “Bad table hurting Terra!” Even though I was little I remember feeling guilty, after all, the table hadn’t really done anything but sit there. Poor table, punished for no reason.
And yet, at the same time, I feel that this is the right time for my car to die. I feel as if an era in my life is ending. For many, many years, I thought to myself, so this is it. I’m a grown up now. And yet those words never sunk in, and never felt true. But now? Now I feel it. I feel it in the weight of my skin, the steadiness of my voice, the comfortableness I have reached with my own inadequacies. Yes, I read too many celebrity magazines. So what? For the first time I wake up and have a purpose, I know who I am and where I am going. It’s a good feeling where the worst fear is that I’m not living up to my own standards. This is different from the past where I knew I had standards, but didn’t know quite what that meant. I am not in my college years any longer. Bye bye car.
Yet.
Life is unexpected, and I know this, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at finding myself pushed suddenly into the next phase of my life, but I am. Other hurdles this week? My internet crashed, taking with it my phone line. Total downtime close to three days. My kitty, the baby, aptly named Baby, let me know today that she would like to visit the vet by scaring me with her cut mouth. I know, I know, you don’t understand deadlines, you’re just a kitty.
For everyone else out there not having a fantastic week filled with surprise parties, unexpected gifts, and lotto wins, big group hug. Thankfully so very many of us have a lot more on the plus side of the list than the negative. Myself included. I leave you with pics of Halloween starring my Izzy’s big blonde girlfriend, Bubbles (affectionately known as Bubs) their disrespect for their Halloween outfits, and my mom letting them choose their favorite spooky cooky.
